If I wrote the endings to shows.

HIMYM, Mad Men, Breaking Bad.  

How TV Shows would end if everything was awesome.
By Valyrie Mia Stone
                 Hey guys! So, I haven’t been here in quite a while, so let’s play catch-up for one second:

            -I didn’t write anything for the last season of The Voice because I didn’t care quite as much as I did the last two seasons. To recap my opinions- I liked the change of judges but am glad the old ones are returning; my favorite contestant was Caroline Glaser who got kicked off way too soon; Carson Daily is one of my favorite human beings. End of opinions.

            -Hannibal is without a doubt one of the best-written shows ever. Except Game of Thrones. And maybe Lost. You know what? I actually think it’s better than Lost. Suck on that, Mathew Fox. Also, the best acting this year has been Hugh Dancy as Will Graham.

            -I finally saw Parks and Rec. It’s wonderful.

            -I stopped watching Glee at some point. Also, let me take this moment to say how much it absolutely sucks that Cory Montieth died. He was an awesome actor and probably person. I guess I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met him, but he seems very nice. I’ve said before that I don’t like his character, but that’s only been the writing, and even when his character sucked, he did the best job with it he could’ve.

                        What I really wanted to talk about though is not the past television season. It’s this next one. A lot of good shows are ending soon, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how they should end. For example;

                        -How I Met Your Mother-

                                    The writing on this show is really good. They have this way of getting these inside jokes with the audience (ex.- Let’s go to the Mall!, Mustache Marshall, interventions, red cowboy boots, blue French horn, etc.) and it’s going to be sad to see it go. When a show is that good, the ending needs to be ridiculously good. So, let’s start with

                                    How everyone else thinks/wants it to end: Ted meets The Mother, she’s the one, they get married, have kids, everyone lives happily ever after.

                                    Why that sucks: Because that’s what we expect. This show has always been good at knowing what an audience thinks is going to happen, and then they build it up to look like that IS exactly what’s going to happen, and then slap them in the face with whatever they actually decide to do. For example, in the episode where Marshall’s father dies, they have that really cool countdown thing. And the whole time, we’re thinking “Aw man, at the end of the countdown, we’re totally going to find out that one of them can’t have kids, and it’s gonna be really sad”. But then the writers are like “Awww, nah. We’re going to KILL A DUDE. And even though people were preparing themselves for it to get sad, we’re going to reach out and individually punch everyone in the heart.” And that’s good writing.

                                    How I would write the ending: Ted meets the mother, they fall in love, get married, have kids, and then, after the kids are, I don’t know, say the exact age we see them at, Ted realizes that The Mother isn’t The One. (Otherwise, they could call it How I Met The One. But no one ever said the person you have kids with has to be your soul mate, and in real life, they’re often not.)

            “So who IS his soul mate?” you ask. “Wow, way to interrupt” I angrily retort.

            Robin. I mean, come on, it’s kind of always been Robin, hasn’t it? From the pilot, he saw her, and instantly knew that she was the one. Now, yes, he’s been passionate about many(, many) other women since, but has he ever had that instant, lock-eyes-across-the-room-and-know kind of reaction? No. No he has not.

            Need more examples? Okay, how about how Marshall and Lily have those bets about their friends, and one of them involved Marshall thinking that Ted and Robin will end up together. And at the end of one episode, when it seems like he had lost said bet, Lily was like “Pay up”, and he was like, “Not yet…” No? Still not foreshadowing enough for you? Okay, how about the fact that the only reason they broke up in the first place was because they wanted different things, Namely, Robin didn’t want to get married and have kids. Except we find out later that she kind of does want to get married. And if they end up together after Ted already had kids, it’s kind of perfect. Nope? Still unconvinced? Okay, how about in one of the more recent seasons, when Robin was digging in the dirt for that necklace, and no one but Ted knows that she could really use a friend right about then. And then the two of them are talking, and just when they’re talking about signs maybe not really being sighs, it instantly starts pouring rain! I mean, New York weather can be fickle, but come on! If that’s not the universe trying to get your attention, what is? Oh, plus there was his conversation with Lily- you know, the whole “I’d cut my artery and bleed out that necklace to make her happy” thing. Oh, plus he’s had the necklace the whole time!

So, just incase the metaphor was too weak for you, her necklace (you know, the kind of jewelry that hangs directly in front of your heart) was missing. Her distant father can’t read her well enough to know she needs him. Her fiancée can’t read her well enough to know she needs him. Ted bails on this huge job interview to come help her. Why? Because he is the only one who can read her well enough to know she needs him. They eventually find its box, and Robin admits that she saw not finding it as a sign to not get married. Then-what’s this?- they open the box and it’s missing. Then they sit in the rain talking about signs and fate and feelings and such. Then, just incase they weren’t laying it on thick enough, Ted has the one thing she was going out of her way to care about for her wedding day. In fact, he’s had it for years. Just neither of them knew it yet. Boom. Argument won.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried about Barney. Yes, I want him to be happy too, but he never had the connection to Robin that Ted has. He’ll probably end up with Quinn or Nora, or something. I haven’t really decided how I think he should end up. All we know is that it’ll be awesome.

To sum this giant ramble up, Ted realizes The One has always been Robin. And then we find out that this is his way of explaining to his kids that he and their mother are getting a divorce. And he needed to tell them the whole story so they understand why he’s going to eventually marry the woman they call “Aunt Robin”. It’s kind of sad, and beautiful, and perfect, and it’s the only ending that would truly fit the show.

            -Mad Men-

                        Mad Men’s not ending this season that I’m aware of, but I still want to share my opinions. I’m not sure how everyone else want it to end, but I want it to be this: Sally is like, crazy messed up, and is contemplating killing Don. And we spend like, an entire season building up to her killing him, but in the end, she can’t. Instead, he ends up killing himself. He just goes p onto the roof, and jumps off, falling to his death. You know- like in the opening credits! Boom. Mind blown.

-Breaking Bad-

                        How everyone else thinks/wants it to end: This one is kind of up in the air. I’ve heard a lot of different opinions. But the one I hear the most is that Jesse ends up killing Walt.

                        Why that sucks: Well, it wouldn’t. Not exactly. That could work. Let’s be honest, however it ends, the writers will be able to make it work. But is it the best it could be? No.

                        How I would write the ending: I’ve had some trouble with this one. I have a few different ideas about it. Four, to be precise. Any of them would be kind of awesome. Here they are, in order from poetic to badass”

            1. Walt finally realizes that he was becoming a cartoon villain who ties damsels to railroad tracks. He decides that that isn’t who he wants to be- he just wanted to help his family and educate youth; but here he was, murdering people for sport (terrible sport idea). So, he decides to make a change. He is going to do some good in the world, help raise his daughter, and maybe become a teacher again, and everything’s going to be okay.

And then he dies.

Like, instantly.

 I mean, how incredible would it be if, after every crazy-insane-deadly-dangerous-stupid-life-threatening thing he’s done, the thing that kills him really is just going to be that cancer. Very. Very incredible.

            2. He realizes he’s bad, decides to make a change, blah blah, whatever.

And then he dies.

But this time, it’s not from the cancer. Turns out, this whole time, he’s had a completely different illness that no one’s caught. Now, this may not be medically sound in the real world, but just for the purposes of a TV show, how cool would it be if everyone’s been worried about the cancer and the drug-dealing, and he just dies of, like, a heart attack or something completely unexpected. Very. Very cool.

3. He and Jesse have some huge fight, and it gets physical, and while neither of them intended to kill the other, it gets to the point where Jesse’s got a knife and he’s about to kill Walt. So there he is, and he’s got this mental debate going- can his conscience really handle killing Walt? Can his conscience really handle letting Walt live?- and he decides he has to do it.

And then Walt shoots Jesse. Just, like kills him. He didn’t exactly mean to, but it was kill or be killed and his instincts just took over. He’s killed before, a ridiculously large amount, and not felt bad about it. But this is different. This is Jesse. They don’t exactly like each other, but they have a bizarre camaraderie.

The guilt is overwhelming, and he realized the person he’s become, and he goes outside and walks. He just walks. For a long time, actually. And finally, he’s out in the middle of the desert. In fact, he’s in the exact spot he was at in the pilot. When the RV went off the road a bit, and he walked to the road and put a gun to his head, and just barely didn’t pull the trigger. Except this time, he puts the gun to his head and he does pull the trigger. He just dies in the exact spot he could have died 5 seasons ago.

4. He and Jesse still have that fight thing, and it plays out exactly the same, except that after he kills Jesse and realizes what he’s become, but this time there’s no guilt. He doesn’t hate what he’s become, he relishes it. He goes outside and walks away, but this time, it’s not like a sad, confused, suicide walk. He’s just leaving. Off to go cook some more meth or kill some more people or club seal puppies or whatever awful thing he’s now capable. There’s this voice over of a haunting monologue, simmer to the “I am the one who knocks” thing, but this time, it’s somehow scarier. I mean, with most of these antihero shows (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Dexter), the main character should die in the end. It’s what they deserve. And it’s what Walt deserves. But how awesome would it be for him to NOT get what he deserves, and instead just always be this looming, scary villain who’s capable of anything? Very. Very awesome.