My Love/Hate Relationship with NBC.

The Voice and Community.

By Valyrie Mia Stone.

 

   

Well, we’re in the last few episodes of The Voice. I have rated the Top 5 in order, and accompanied the two songs I would have them sing. The top 2 have videos attached. I also went on a rant about Community being cancelled at the end, but it’s worth reading, so buckle up.

5. Jake:

            I’ll be honest guys. I don’t like country music. I just don’t. Every time there’s a country artist on the voice, they start performing and I’m like, “Oh, hey, they’re singing Every County Song Ever by AmericaJesusBanjo McBoozy. I mean there’s a couple songs or artists I like, but as a whole, it’s just one blur of slurred words and “yall’s”.  I’ve lived in a small country town, so for me all things country are like the Blake Shelton song “Boys ‘Round Here”, except with the opposite tone of voice. So it’s hard for me to get on board with any country singer. But I still respect it well enough, so I’m not trying to be mean here when I say that Jake creeps me out. This is highly hypocritical and superficial. It has nothing to do with his voice (which I don’t exactly hate, but certainly don’t like either) or even how he looks. Well, sort of how he looks. Just his eyes. He’s got those beady, emotionless eyes, and it throws me off. He has serial killer eyes. It’s not his fault. He’s probably nice in person. But I can’t help thinking about it when he’s on.

           

So, to be honest, I don’t know what I want him to sing, because I don’t really want him to sing at all.

           

4. Josh:

            Both of my ideas for Josh came really fast for me. The first one especially, as I stole it from Nicci. All of Me by John Legend. At first I was afraid because it’s so new and popular right now that people are either sick of it, or love it too much to hear it from anyone else. But it really would fit his voice well, and they could make a pandering reference to his wife and kids. The Voice’s audience loves dads.

            The second song would be Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You. Name one person who hates that song. People love it, it’s jazzy enough to get the audience there in-person clapping along (don’t pretend like hearing the live audience’s reaction doesn’t subconsciously sway the opinion of those at home). It’s fun, it has emotion, and it makes people think of Heath Ledger. There is no downside. Man, I’m good at this.

3. Kristin: 

            For those of you paying attention/skimming with a mild interest, you noticed how I said earlier that I don’t like country music. I’m not exactly happy that 40% of the remaining artists are country singers. I’m also not happy that most of the people reading this had to stop for a moment and do the math on that, but I’m not here to harp on school systems (because I’m on a blog in 2014, and that would actually be productive). However, I actually like Kristin. I can’t say I’d buy her album, but I do enjoy her performances when she’s on. Plus, she has an awesome smile, and I’m not too proud to admit looks matter. (What? If they really wanted it to only be about the voice, the chairs would never turn around and the audiences couldn’t ever see them. And they wouldn’t wheel out their depressing background stories before we hear them sing. And they’d stop asking those stupid questions. “What would moving forward mean to you?”. Really? That’s the best you’ve got Carson? Has anyone ever said anything different? Who’s going to be like, “Meh”).

             

But I digress. As someone who doesn’t really like pop music, I think it would be good for her to do something a bit more well-known and successful: Lady Antebellum. I was torn between Need You Now and Wanted You More (two of the only country songs I actually know off the top of my head), but I think Need You Now has more big notes to hit. Plus, it destroyed on iTunes, and even I’d be tempted to buy it.

             Thinking of her second song gave me some more trouble. I assume (and think it would be wise to) go with a more inherently country song. Something so slurred that all you hear is “Freedom” and “God Above”, but I’ve already said that I know nothing of that stuff. My best recommendation would be to go a bit more pop-y. Like the more recent stuff from Taylor Swift. Maybe some Carrie Underwood (Blown Away is the only country song I listen to voluntarily and frequently). However, after careful consideration (e.g.: 22 seconds of half-focused thought), I have decided that she should do something more unexpected. People love something they don’t see coming. That’s why spoilers are essentially punishable by death nowadays. So, with that in mind, I think she should perform a country version of Ellie Goulding’s Anything Could Happen. Imagine banjos and cowbells on the chorus. (Now, stop imagining, because it’s time to get back to real music).

2. Kat:      

                  

Kat was the easiest for me. Her voice fits so well into so many contexts, it’s crazy. At first I was thinking some Queen, or maybe some Fleetwood Mac (the juxtaposition of We Will Rock You and Songbird would be fantastic. The Voice’s audience responds very well to emotional tear-jerkers and clap-along-able crowd-pleasers.), but I decided on something a bit more obscure, more unpredictable (“less predictable” is probably more eloquent in this context, but I do not care).

Next To Me, while not in her wheelhouse, would actually complement her voice perfectly. It shows off a softer, more emotional side while still giving her opportunities to belt out big notes and throw in a little of that gruff we all love. It simultaneously hits on both the emotion and the crow-pleasing that I mentioned earlier.

As great as I think that would be, it’s not quite as rock-n-roll as we’d like to get from Kat. Evening it out is Love Interruption. This allows for her throaty gruff to show off a bit more, and the badass lyrics bring her power front and center.

1.   Christina:            

Christina is my favorite, and has been since the beginning. Actually, she’s been my favorite since September. She had released an EP back then, and I stumbled upon it and loved it. Seeing her be the first audition on the Voice was amazing, and gave me hipster-esque bragging rights until she inevitably wins this season.

(It’s called With Love, go check it out). (Also, go check out Ivy Levan. She has nothing to do with the Voice, she’s just a BAMF).

Deciding what I want her to sing was hard because I want her to sing everything, ever. But, I decided that  something between pop and sad would be good for her. I can’t decide between Jar of Hearts, Someone Like You, or Somewhere Only We Know, but I’m leaning towards Jar of Hearts.

They’ll probably want to go with another rap-to-pop songs again, but I think it would be dumb. Yes, she’s awesome at it, and they’ve yet to get to the good stuff (Salt N Peppa, Sir Mix-a-Lot, etc), but it’s getting old. If they really want to do that again, they should wait until next week. If you listen to her EP (and you should), you’ll notice a lot of jazzy influences. Think Etta James, Nina Simone, even a little Frank Sinatra. (Wow. Bet you didn’t think you’d see Sir Mix-a-Lot and Frank Sinatra in the same paragraph today, huh?) So, if that’s the kind of music she likes to make, she should throw a little bit of that in there. She could easily pull off something older, like All I Could Do Was Cry, (not At Last, it’s too clichéd), The Girl From Ipanema (although I can’t say young audiences would respond well to it), That’s It, I Quit, I’m Movin’ On, or Feeling Good. However, I think it would be better to go with something newer, just with those influences. I’m torn between Rumor Has It and Back To Black, but you simply can’t beat Amy Winehouse.

 

I also wanted to take a moment to say that I actually like Adam Levine's new hair. I'm not trying to set up a joke here, I just like it.

In conclusion, enjoy being let down by the songs they actually pick, and please hire me, NBC.

Acctually, don’t hire me. I’m mad at you, NBC. In fact, I would like us all to take a moment of silence for a lost loved one, Community, who was cancelled a few days ago, because life is terrible and only the good die young. We love you. We miss you. Pop-pop.

(Warning: I don’t know why but when I read this back, I noticed that I use a lot of big words here, and I’m not sure. Maybe because Community deserves them, or maybe because I’m a pretentious douche. It’s up for interpretation.)

Although, not to diminish the depression of this loss, I was thinking back on this last season lately. As I watched it the first time, I enjoyed it, but more because it’s Community and inherently magnificent. But I felt like it lacked some of the poignancy of seasons past. But when re-watched under the veil of hindsight, it was a masterpiece of tiny in-jokes you only barely noticed at the time. I mean, the entire premise of the season revolved around the “Save Greendale Committee” (or, you know, the entire fanbase of the show for the last half-decade). They kept going back to earlier story lines- the animated episode, the not-exactly paintball episode, Dungeons and Dragons, etc- but not in the lazy-writing way that too many other shows do. Community does everything on purpose, and revisiting old stories is either melancholy remembrance, or an epic middle finger to the whoever canceled them (let’s be honest, they knew it was probably coming). And then they were being taken over by Subway. A nod to an earlier episode, yes, but also a brilliant metaphor for how they felt taken over, beaten. That works for both the show as a whole and for Dan Harmon as a person (who was fired before season 4, because apparently there was a gas leak year for NBC executives as well (don’t tell me refereeing to the previous season as the “gas leak year” was anything but another excellently-placed middle finger)).

But then Subway didn’t take them over. It was close, but then a creepy, hygiene-deprived, technophile-hermit from the ‘70’s was dug up from the basement and had the bare minimum of the legal rights necessary to save Greendale, and Dean Pelton responded to lack of funds and abysmal odds of success or general happiness as just an average day here. Metaphors don’t come any thinner than that.

I’d like to think that the ending was a promise to fans that they’d keep trying. Maybe they’ll get picked up by another network. Maybe Netflix will jump in. Maybe a fan-funded Kickstarter campaign can get them a webseries. Maybe they’ll go on HBO and take a dark, porny turn. All I know is I watched Arrested Development in a week last summer, so anything can happen.

A lot of people are saying that Season 5 started strong, but fizzled out. I’m not sure if I agree with this or not, but I’d like to, and here’s why. A few weeks ago (pre-cancellation, mind you, because it’s just so great) I started re-watching Community from the beginning, because I write mediocrely funny articles about TV on the internet, what else am I supposed to do? As I watched, it clicked in my head for the first time that this entire show takes place in Abed’s mind. At first I had just thought, “Oh hey, how cool that there’s finally a fictional character who loves pop culture as much as I do. It’s about time, that’s really great”. Abed frequently makes jokes about life being a show, but I just sort of shrugged it off as his own mental issues/lovable characteristics. But then I thought about the show as a whole, and realized that we aren’t watching a show about a community college. We’re watching a show that takes place inside the mind of a mentally disturbed, but ultimately harmless and mesmerizingly creative person who happens to be at a community college. I’m not going to list all the examples here, there are too many, and no one can ever have seen Community too many times. My point is that this season was specifically designed to be slightly different after Troy left, because we live in Abed’s mind. They made a point of telling us that Troy’s persona was orbiting around another person, but so was Abed’s. What would Inspector Spacetime be without Reggie? An idiot in a robe, that’s what! And the writers wanted us to feel that come through in subtle, but not small, ways.

Or maybe I’m just a sad fan on the internet reading way too much into things. But the great thing is that I don’t have to be right. Community was made for the crazy television fans who dissect pop culture and they fully welcome fan theories. With Dan Harmon, you never have to worry about imagining a rabbit hole that isn’t there. It’s there. He’s thought of it already. Oh, Harmon, you mad genius you.

But beyond all the over-thinking I like to do at 2 in the morning, one of my favorite things about the last episode was right on the surface. I loved that they showed us one last glimpse at the whole Annie-Jeff will-they-won’t-they thing. Let’s be honest, no one (fan or writer) was rooting for Jeff and Britta. We’d all stopped caring about them as a couple by the end of the pilot. And so having them say (threaten?) that they’re getting married was a brilliant move, and was explained fully by Abed in the episode (an explanation followed immediately by the resolution of the slight Annie-Abed romance that had always been just peeking out (the timing of which was no accident, to be sure)). My point is that the only thing that saved the characters from certain death was the surge of emotion Jeff felt when he thought about Annie. It was the perfect way to wrap that up. Other shows would have ended a season(show?) with them getting together, or at least an actual conversation between the two. But this is not other shows. The wordless love they just played on for a moment before dropping again was perfect. And the context it was in was perfect. A character putting on a helmet and feeling things to save all their lives (which he could only do without any of them looking at him, a recurring feature for Jeff) is ridiculous. It’s stupid, really. It’s unrealistic and nonsensical, and all of that fits in perfectly at Greendale. For any other show, it’s a plot crutch. For this show, it flawlessly encapsulates its’ own essence. All these characters are flawed misfits who are terrible at communicating with each other (name one other show that kept up a romance between two characters without ever actually acting on it for five years). It makes sense that what saves them is a magical, literally golden machine that channels your raw emotions into some kind of tangible results. How’s that for a will-they-won’t-they ending, all other shows ever? 

                 

To end ineloquently on an incomplete thought, I wonder how much to read into the GI Joe episode. Such a thing should be from Abed. What does it mean that it’s from Jeff? A question for the philosophers, I suppose. Or me, when it’s not 3 a.m.

{P.S.- remember that it’s now canon that everything was destroyed by a meteor, according to Abed’s parting words.} 

           

My thesis here is that Community finished(?) as it always was, infuriatingly esoteric and grandiosely content to make it by on the skin of their teeth. Pop-pop indeed. 

 And, I swear, if they cancel Hannibal too, I’m going to punch someone in the face.   

  

                        -Kisses, V.