Mediocre Singing and Baby Making
The Voice, season 3, and The New Normal
By Valyrie Mia Stone.
Popcorn that was better yesterday, but is still good and may still get better, provided you add enough butter
Popcorn that was gone a little too fast, but was good and I want to try it again soon before fully deciding
Monday night, The Voice came back, and it was immediately followed by the series premier of The New Normal. I’ll talk about The Voice first.
Now, I like The Voice. It’s a great show, and they couldn’t have picked a better team of judges. But this would be really boring if I only praised it, so here’s what sucked. First off, someone get Cee Lo out of that medieval woman’s tunic. No part of that was okay. Second, Blake needs to be able to turn around on his own. He kept waiting for someone else to go first. It’s like he wants competition, or like he’s afraid they’ll end up sucking, and he doesn’t want to be the only one who believed in someone who turned out not so great. It’s annoying. Grow a pair. Yee-haw.
But the biggest problem was (shockingly enough) the singing. I wouldn’t have wanted to be one of the coaches then. They were all good singers, but not one of them had star potential, stage presence, or an exceptional “wow, that person is incredible” feel to them. Last season, for me, that was Juliet Simms. I heard her sing and I was like “Girl, you are so gonna win this. You need to have an album out right now” (and she did at least get into 2nd place. Close enough.) But in the first episode, the only person who was great was Bryan Keith, who performed “It Will Rain”. His voice was beautiful, and he was one of the few people there who wasn’t trying to be someone else. Everyone else sounded so strained and forced, but with Bryan Kirkland
In any case, I’m hoping that we will still find that one person who blows me away. Oh, and if one more person yodels, I’m killing myself. You understand.
The next night was equally as disappointing. Aquille and Mackenzie Bourg both had some talent, but we still had the problem of star quality and personality. It’s called The Voice, but that doesn’t mean that a voice is all you need to make it in this business.
The third night, however, had some more interesting points. First off, there was Lisa Schinta, whose audition was rushed through (as they did with several of the good ones. Gee thanks.), but her rendition of Teenage Dream was adorable. Maybe it’s the Minnie Mouse voice, but I think she’s my Juliet Simms of the season. Ironically, my second favorite also did a Katy Perry song. Part of Me was performed MarissaAnn, whose voice is as unique as her name. MarissaAnn. Wow. Should I put a space in there? No, it’s fine. Speaking of weird names, Nelly’s Echo was also incredible, but he won’t win. My terrible cable service cut off Nicole Nelson’s performance, but I did manage to see that all 4 judges turned around, and upon listening to her version of Hallelujah on iTunes, I can see why. She has real potential, but again, no star quality.
Speaking of no star quality, there was (last and, for the love of god, least) Domo. Seriously, that is her attempt at a name. She performed Don’t Cha. Apparently this sounded like a good idea to her. Now, if she was physically capable of stepping off her pedestal for enough time to listen to what she’s saying before it leaves her mouth, she might be more likeable. But it was literally physically painful to watch her. Her undeserved ego is the only thing more annoying than her terrible dancing, which reminds me: Honey, the reason that being a singer AND and dancer hasn’t been done on the show is because this show is about your VOICE. Hence the name, genius. Performance is a big part of it too, but it’s not 50/50. And what was with the whole “When I say Do, you say Mo” thing. People like that make me physically ill. Have fun going home in the Battle Rounds, sweetie, and then getting back to not being “the Japanese Lady Gaga”. I honestly can’t tell if she’s more full of bull or herself.
Now, to her credit, I will say that if I watched her blindfolded, and she sung a halfway decent song, she actually has a good voice. But she’s one of those people who, while talented, is no where near as good as they think it is. Get off your high horse, stop the terrible dance moves, and perform an altered version of Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black while just sitting on stool in front of microphone, and we’ll talk, honey.
Following that exceptionally disappointing, but potentially still salvageable, return of The Voice was an all new show from the genius behind Glee. The New Normal is an adorable little show about a gay couple having a baby via a stranger’s lady business. That “lady-business-stranger” already has a daughter, who is apparently very aware of the fact that she was a drunken accident. “L-b-s”, or Goldie (which is apparently her actual name and not just a nickname from her hair) has a Grandmother who puts the big bad wolf from Red Riding Hood to shame. Goldie has the best ringtone for an evil Grandmother EVER. This Grandmother is a racist, homophobic woman plucked straight from the 60’s and thrown into ever-tolerant LA, a mix that is sure to go super great. Also there was Nene Leakes. Apparently Ryan Murphy (that Glee-genius I was talking about) has a thing not only for her, but for the way he writes her characters, because she was essentially the same person as Ross Washington. Normally this would annoy me, but she is so great that I won’t complain.
The second episode of The New Normal was even better. It was a little slower and easier to follow, and it was packed with great one-liners. Which kind of sucks because now I don’t know how to make fun of it.
Let’s hope next weeks is less awesome, and I can come up with some jokes for it.
-Kisses, V.
No comments:
Post a Comment