Magic Mike

Falling In Love With Matt Bomer

Magic Mike: The Good, The Bad, And The Super Ripped

By Valyrie Mia Stone.

Popcorn that looks delicious, but then you realize the butter is that fake stuff and it was made yesterday

         

Watching the preview for Magic Mike, one would assume that it’s pretty much cinematic perfection; ripped shirtless guys ripping off clothes from a stage for money. Like Jersey Shore, but with class. Plus any movie with both Channing Tatum and Matt Bomer simply has to be seen multiple times.

            And the stripping scenes did not disappoint.  Although I’m not sure how they were able to do any of that with a straight face, it was pretty great to watch. Aside from the fact that a cheap Florida strip club apparently has an unlimited budget, there were some pretty great routines with great choreography; Mannequin Neal Caffrey, Tarzan, Dr. Dryhump, and Guy-Who-Doesn’t-Work-Here-Uncomfortably-Making-Out-With-A-Chick-He-Just-Met-And-Making-Us-All-Watch-While-Barely-Stripping. Oh, and of course there was a very creative use of umbrellas, although I found myself watching Matt Bomer through the whole scene. And, actually every scene he was in. He pulls focus. Just look at that face.

            But it was every other scene, the non-stripping ones, that (sorry Chan.) sucked. Was there even a plot? It was basically just some guy and a slightly younger guy being almost friends while first guy tries to do second guy’s sister, who has the delightful combination of Kristin Stewart’s emotionless diction and a hipster-idiot-with-no-future’s skewed sense of superiority. What Mr. Tatum could possibly see in her is beyond me. And then younger guy (Alex Pettyfer) does a bunch of drugs, and isn’t friends with first guy (Channing Tatum) because they both had no backstory or character buildup. And there was a weird scene between Alex and Matt Bomer, where he’s feeling up Matt’s wife. In front of him. With his permission. For no reason. And then nothing plays on it again. It didn’t need to be there. It did not help the plot, and it was uncomfortably shoved into the movie.

            At some point Matthew McConaughey’ character, Dallas; whom enjoys playing the guitar in a thong unprovoked (hitting a little close to home, McConaughey?) and owns the club; seems to be a little evil, but it’s hard to say. Because the writing sucked. I think they were attempting to make it seem as though he didn’t care about his workers, but it mostly just seemed like Mike (Tatum) was overreacting to Dallas’s job offer because he feels lost in life. Which is somehow Dallas’s fault. How dare you give me a job. What a villain.

            I gave this movie 2 and a half stars (popcorns?) because I could see what they were trying to do. They wanted to make a movie about a youngish man who can’t seem to get past a certain stage in his life, and it was just poorly executed. The writing earned it a half star, and Matt Bomer’s abs got it the rest.

                                                                                    -Kisses, V.