Glee, season 4

Britney, Blam, and Break-ups

Season 4 of Glee

By Valyrie Mia Stone.

 Popcorn that isn’t exactly bad, it’s just way too salty. And way too anti-Klaine-y.

Glee has returned. A few weeks ago, actually, but I’m lumping the first clump of episodes together before they go on break. Because they simply couldn’t have an episode a week consistently. It’s like they put out 4 or 5, and then they get tired and have to take a month-long nap. It’s ridiculous. Even I don’t take month-long laps.

The first episode, The New Rachel, welcomed some newcomers. There’s Jake “Just Jake” Puckerman, who is Puck’s half brother, which had a few plot holes just by itself. Like how does Jake know about having an almost-sibling when Puck doesn’t? And have they always lived in the same town, because it’s pretty small and how could they have not met? And do they realize that they can’t replace Puck with an annoying, vaguely younger half-brother? Because they can’t and they should know that.

Then there’s Marley, who is so boring, that my fingers are going numb from typing about her. And, for some reason, there’s Kitty, who is apparently designed to be their only un-relatable character, who has no redeemable qualities or likeability in any fashion. She seems like the attempted combination of Quinn and Sue, but without the decency to get pregnant or eloquently and humorously insult someone 18 times in a single sentence. Not that she doesn’t try. To insult, that is (see every sentence that’s ever left her mouth). She has the insult part down, but they aren’t funny or witty or pertinent or fast enough and YOU WILL NEVER BE SUE! Also, the only person who can pull off the name “Kitty” is from That 70’s Show.

So these three characters have a unique and never before seen plot. The nerdy, unpopular girl only feels at home in Glee Club, and so does the guy she’s in love with, who she says barely even knows she’s alive even though they’ve had multiple meaningful conversations/songs they both know all the words to. But he has a cheerleader girlfriend who hates the Glee Club, and especially Nerd Chick. But then he ends up leaving Cheerleader Chick for Glee Chick.

Oh, I’m sorry I accidentally put the synopsis for Rachel, Fin, and Quinn in season 1. For Marley, Jake, and Kitty, it’s this:

The nerdy, unpopular girl only feels at home in Glee Club, and so does the guy she’s in love with, who she says barely even knows she’s alive even though they’ve had multiple meaningful conversations/song they both know all the words to. But he has a cheerleader girlfriend who hates the Glee Club, and especially Nerd Chick. But then he ends up leaving Cheerleader Chick for Glee Chick.

Yeah. That happened.

I make fun, but seriously, not only should they not have re-done that whole fiasco (which is also the plotline to every 80’s teen movie ever made), but more than anything, they shouldn’t have clumped the three newbie’s together. Us Glee fans don’t like newcomers in the first place, and that secluded them even more. It feels like periodically throughout Glee, they accidentally air a different show entirely. And that show is called “Knock-off Glee”. And that show sucks.

In season 2 they did a good job of weaving in newbie’s. Sam, Blaine, Beiste (who disappeared this season…). But in season 3, they started to slip. Like Sugar, who insults everyone with Asperger’s. And, for some reason, has the name of “Sugar”. And now they just repeat plotlines and seclude them from anything else going on in the show.

So, until Marley and Sam start a salacious affair, I’m simply going to ignore them.

I would like to take a moment to point out that Rory McLeprechaun disappeared. A lot of other characters weren’t here, but they graduated, and we knew they left. Rory was getting “deported”, but it was painfully obvious he was lying about it. So why write him off without even mentioning it once. Not even a “So, he seriously got deported, so we need more members”.

More members. That reminds me. Now that the Glee Club won a national championship, they’re really popular. Because that’s how that works. So now everybody wants to be in Glee Club. But somehow there are only two people who have any sort of talent at all in that school who wasn’t already in Glee. And I’ve already said that I’m ignoring both of them. Marley and Jake were both pretty good, but Jake was cut off for time (and she wasn’t?) and then he got mediocrely angry and pushed over a music stand. And that is totally unforgivable. But my point is, they only let Marley in. But they need a lot more members. They should be able to get over a short temper. And since when are they picky about auditions?

Also new to the club is Unique. You know, that drag queen from last season. Because, even though they tormented Kurt for just being gay, this school has no problem with a new kid in a dress and heels. Also, he is really getting on my nerves. I’m not sure why, but he is.

So, after a plotline about Kurt not being in New York for a little while that I’m just going to skip over, he and Rachel get an apartment in NYC together. She’s going to NYADA and has the world’s most perfect dance teacher (Kate Hudson). There’s also this guy Brody, who is basically in love with her after meeting in the shower (not as weird as it sounds). Kurt works at Vogue.com and his boss is Sarah Jessica Parker. More on them later.

They did a repeat of Britney Week because Brittany was in a spiraling depression because Santana is in college. Now, I get that that sucks, but they are victimizing her and Blaine because Santana and Kurt graduated. What did they think was going to happen? They’d just follow them to their classes for a year? They have stuff to do. Get over yourselves. Anyway, there was this tender moment between Brittany and Sam after he knew that her depression was only to make a comeback (really?), and it sort of implied a future romance between the two, which is running the risk of dashing my Marley/Sam dreams. Only time will tell…

In the third episode, Blaine was running against Brittany for senior president. I’m just going to look over the fact that Britt was held back and therefore should not be allowed to be senior class president. They each have a running mate (which Sue pointed out was new and unprovoked. Thank you Sue.), Britt is with Artie and Blaine is with Sam. Long story short, Blam (well, I’m not going to call them Saine) won. Shocker. There was also some progress with Rachel-Brody and just as they kissed, Finn shows up at her door.

Now, was I the only one who thought they broke up? Because I think once you take your fiancée to the train station instead of the chapel on your wedding day, it’s official enough to write a terrible country song about (I think that’s on Taylor Swift’s new album…). But apparently, they’re still a thing. To answer all your Finn-related questions right now, he shot himself in the leg in military training, backpacked for awhile, and now shows up like he was invited. He finds out that she kissed Brody (what did he think when he walked in on the two of them with candles and alcohol and guilt?) and got unreasonably angry with her (hey, honey, you remember that time you put me on a train instead of marrying me? Well, now we’re even) and then left the next morning before she woke up. Classy.

They weren’t the only ones with relationship problems, Will and Emma, who I haven’t really cared about since season 2, are in a fight. He’s doing some political thing (what about Burt?) and now that he’s moving, he just assumes that she’s going along for the ride. They both got unnecessarily upset about it, as he seems to be doing a lot lately, and now who knows what’s going on.

Also, Santana and Brittany broke up because Santana is smart enough to know that long-distance relationships tend to not work.

Then there was Klaine. Blaine is all upset because he feels like Kurt left him (see my earlier rant about this, but I will admit he did change schools for him, but still, he knew then that Kurt would eventually graduate) and so after Kurt can’t talk because he has a job, Blaine gets all sad and lonely. Some guy named Eli is texting him, and next we see, Blaine is in NYC with Kurt, Rachel and Finn (pre-Rachel-Finn fight). When the 4 of them go to “Callbacks” (great name for a karaoke bar), Blaine sings this super depressing version of Teenage Dream. I missed the Warbler’s…

Kurt notices that that was really sad, and while they were walking home, the two have a little chat in which Blaine admits to cheating on Kurt. About this time, Klaine fans everywhere paused the show, got several pints of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy Ice Cream as well as a minimum of two boxes of Kleenax, and continued watching the show whilst sobbing uncontrollably. Several musical numbers, a bouquet of flowers, and the dramatic throwing away of the card that came with said flowers later, we still aren’t sure where they stand, but it can be assumed that they are no more. This is when those Kaine fans go to the nearest convenience store because they have now had all the chocolate they could find in their house, and they still have yet to drown their sorrows.

Finnchel have a more conclusive ending. After he won’t answer her calls, Rachel hops a flight to Lima, where Finn is visiting old friends. And by visiting I mean crying on the shoulders of without asking how they’re doing. Lea Michele’s best acting comes out here, and she talks at him for a little while, and then announces that they are done. Good. Please don’t kill me Glee fans, but I do not care for Finn. I think he’s a self-absorbed jerk who can’t even see how much of a self-absorbed jerk he is. Good riddance. Oh, and for the love of god, just become a teacher already. That’s the only thing you’re going to be happy doing. You are so dumb.

So, we’ll have to see what happens next in November. Which is really sad, because I was hoping for another Rocky Horror Glee Show-esque Halloween episode.

By the way, about The Voice this week, I'm pretty happy with it, and I love love LOVE the now stealing thingy. And I am soooo glad that Adam chose Melnie "breathy whisper voice" Martinez. Congratulations in advance for winning, Mr. Levine. 4 stars.  

Anyways, so what did you think? And if the answer is anything other that ‘Oh, I agree with you because you are so smart and insightful”, then lie.

                                                -Kisses, V.