The Food Network

Competitions, Fake Accents, Mysteries, and Bobby Flay.

The food network.

By: Valyrie Mia Stone.

 

Hello! In honor of my favorite non-frightening holiday that you don’t get stuff for, Thanksgiving, I am going to do a review of the entire food network. First off, I am ignoring their magazine because I am limiting this to their shows (although I do love said magazine. They had an entire chocolate one. How could I not?).

I’ll start with the Iron Chef. It’s iconic and awesome, and I love that there’s finally a competition between professionals. I also love how many times Bobby Flay has won. But the over-dramatic nature is a bit unnecessary and over the top, but since when do I hate over the top?  3.5 stars

Chopped I also like because one person wins per episode, not per season. But then it’s kinda like, well, if a bunch of people win, it means less.  3 stars.

Cupcake Wars. I love cupcakes, I hate wars. This show, while dramatic and ridiculous (much like war), is really addicting (much like cupcakes).  3.6 stars.

“Food Detectives” sounds hilarious, but I’ve never seen it. Get better advertising, and we’ll talk.

“How to Boil Water”. Seriously. I’m not joking. Go google it right now. Now weed through the how-to’s until you get to one talking about an actual show with this name. See? It exists. I don’t know why, but it does. I’ve never seen it, but I’m rating it because it deserves this just for it’s name.  1 star.

Hungry Detective, move to USA network. And didn’t we just do this same one?

“How’d that get on my plate”, go talk to the Food Detectives. Or Hungry Detective.

Last Cake Standing, congrats on teaching cakes how to stand.

Iron Chef America- surprisingly unpatriotic.

“Mystery Diners”. Seriously, some executive here has a thing for mysteries…

Anything with Paula Deen- 1.5 stars.

Anything with Rachel Ray or Giada De Laurentiis- 4 stars.

Anything with Bobby Flay- 4.5 stars.

Sweet Genius just feels like the bad guy in any animated kids show telling people to cook weird things that don’t make sense for his evil plan to take over the world. There is straight-up maniacal laughter. And for a Jewish guy, he’s got a pretty heavy fake-German accent. He just looks evil.

See? He looks like he’s about to light the room you’re in on fire and scurry away giggling.   .5 stars.

Throwdown with Bobby Flay- I have no criticisms. I love you. 4.7 stars.

                                                           

Overall, you get 4 stars, Food Network. But seriously, enough with the reality shows. If I want to watch a bunch of idiots attempt to cook, I’ll go to a pizzeria in New Jersey.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving.

                                                                      -Kisses, V.